Day before the madness
Tomorrow I’m starting the master cleanse. It’s not really sinking in yet that I’m really going to do it. I learned about this from my friend and I thought she was crazy for thinking about doing it, and after our numerous talks about it, I was convinced. I had to do it too. So, now Im writing down what I expect from this. I know it’s going to be really hard. I’m so addicted to food it’s crazy. Chocolates, juice, and BACON, but I guess I’m now making the decision to break that addiction.
I’ve never had a healthy relationship with food. That would seem absurd since I had vegetarian parents and did not try meat till I was 15 years old. But, when I was little I would eat TONS of candy and ice cream. My neighbors had a candy store and I would steal change out of this huge change jar my mom tried to hide and buy 50-100 frooties everyday. I would eat them, all of them. My parents also loved ice cream and my favorite was chocolate chip. This was also my daddy’s favorite too so we had it all the time. At night, I would take a spoon and dig out some and eat it in my room. I dug it out 2-3 times a night. I would hide the spoon under my bed and get a new spoon everyday until my mom would say, “where are all of my spoons.” Shortly after that she started buying ice cream with nuts because I hate nuts. But that didn’t stop me. I would ride my bike to the baskin robbins around the corner and buy a pint and eat it all in a day in a half. Meanwhile, I was still eating all the candy I bought. It made me happy.
Now its not like anything traumatic was happening to me at home. I was the baby of the family. My brothers had moved out and I was lonely. There wasn’t really anyone to talk to and when I was eating stuff like that I was comforted. I continued like that until junior year in high school. I started getting tired of the taste of it. A friend convinced me to join the tennis team and then started a step team. I also went on a protest against my parents and refused to eat at home so I only had one meal a day, which was lunch at school. I lost 20-30 lbs and I looked great.
By the time prom came around Senior year I got tons of attention from guys. That helped fill the void. My self-esteem was wrapped up in how many guys I could have wrapped around my finger. I then came to college. Then the problem with food reappeared with a vengeance. I would go to dining halls and eat meals for two or three people. Then I would get my weakness, ice cream, every night with oreos and chocolate syrup. I also got in a serious committed relationship, so there were no more guys hanging on my every word, begging to be with me.
I turned back to the one thing that gave me comfort, food. And almost subconsciously devoured food like it was nothing. I had gained almost 40 lbs by the end of my freshman year in college. So now I am doing the master cleanse to break this addiction. To learn self control. I also want to be sexy for my bf. I know the weight gain was surprising to him and I owe it to him to be who I was when he fell in love with me but healthier and more food conscious. So after this cleanse I want to be
1. 15 lbs lighter
2. able to control myself around food
3. gain true self-worth and self-confidence
4. show my bf that I am his ideal woman in all aspects
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